I'll start this with a text message I received this morning:
Boy: Im taking u to indy for dinner when can u be ready
I've known this guy for about 5 years. This is at least the tenth time the kid, and I mean KID because of how this situation was handled, has tried to ask me out by TEXT message. I've also told this kid, just as many times, that he needs to CALL me to ask me on a date. Today, I'd had it.
My response: If you want a date, you need to call me. Period. And how about asking? I have plans with my ladies tonight.
Boy: Ok then
Me: I'm appreciative of you wanting to take me out, but I can't just drop everything when you are free. I like you and I think you're cute, but you need to CALL me if you want to ask me out.
Am I wrong to think that a guy should ask out a girl in person or over the phone?? When did it become okay to only communicate by text message? In my belief, text message is best when you have a quick message or you know someone is at work and you have a question or something like that. It is not okay for the entire code of chivalry to be lost because a shy is too shy or whatever to call. I discuss this with a few male coworkers today and they agree with me. If a guy is serious about you, he's going to call, not make it as unpersonable as possible by doing it through text. I mean, hell, the guy may be in love with me or make not give a rat's ass, I certainly don't know by text message. Not like calling someone is hard, you don't even have to look them in the face. Plus, half of the time, you'll get a voicemail. NOT that hard. I swear. I'd also like to point out that most of my grammar and spelling are correct even though I'm texting back. U is not equal to the word y-o-u. Sorry.
I will not be responding to texts like this in the future.
In regards to my evening, it was wonderful. Two of the girls from work came over and I cooked chicken curry. Delicious! Another coworker came over with her hilarious and precious 5 year old son. They will be taking care of my kitties while I'm at home next week. The 5 year old is just hysterical and was so excited to see my kitties. He apparently is obsessed with cats but they cannot have one as his dad is allergic. He is super-psyched about seeing my cats and told me I needed to leave already. HEHE. So cute. Seriously though, the kid is incredibly intelligent and has the vocabulary and speaking abilities of most 7 year olds. Adorable.
The two girls and I watched Mean Girls and laughed our heads off. It is definitely one of those movies that will never get old to my generation of girls. Definitely a classic. We have the ability to talk about just about anything. I'm glad to have found a couple of girls who are a lot of fun to hang out with as well as be able to talk about just about anything with. :) Very awesome girls.
M, one of the girls, and I are both book nerds. We definitely shared some nerdy book talk as I tried to figure out which books to take next week.
Can NOT wait for vacation.
Also, can NOT get ex out of my head. It's been really hard the past few days.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Eat Pray Love and Learn...
I've decided that Eat Pray Love is not only the story of my life 10 years from now but is also quite the inspiration for a girl who's life centered around the man in my life just a few months ago. I've learned that I just need to be ME. My life should not revolve around a man or a job or a whatever. I should be doing things to enrich myself which I can in turn use to enrich others. For the first time in my life, I need to put myself first and quit worrying about everyone else.
I spoke to the woman who should have been my mother in law this afternoon for about a half an hour. God, I love her. I think she's an amazing woman and she's got a lot to teach me. She's been to Africa, believes in a lot of the same things I do, plus she's got 40 years on me and can teach me a lot. Now, I have the urge to call my ex, but I will not. I know I'm still in love with him, and I'd bet $1,000 that he's still in love with me. I CANNOT spend the rest of my life thinking that. Everyone says that we're "supposed to be together" but maybe we aren't. Maybe we were supposed to be together "right now" instead of "forever." It's a lot easier to write that than to think it though, especially when people say differently. More than anything, I just hope that one day I'll be able to get over him. I certainly have no problem dating others, but no one has ever clicked with me like I've clicked with Andrew. There, I said his name. I spent the past two years thinking I was supposed to be Mrs. Andrew. I guess I was wrong.
I've been WAY too boy crazy lately. Not that I've been on a date, but I'm certainly aware of all the very attractive men in the world. I guess it's not illegal to look! I have no idea how to "play the game" as everyone seems to be calling dating now. In Eat Pray Love, Liz decides to become celibate and search for the higher things in life and wait until she falls in love to worry about men and sex. I'm beginning to think this is a GREAT idea. It's really hard, but I think it's necessary.
I think this blog writing has been a good experience. I like the idea that it's anonymous so I don't feel like I'm complaining or burdening anyone with my feelings. I also feel like it's out there to read if anyone cares. I hate the traditional diary and almost always seem to stop writing after a few days.
The book has also opened my eyes to spirituality...more on that later as I'm still pondering about it. Let's just say that Buddhism and Hinduism sound like great ideas right now.
P.S. I get to see my family this weekend! I'm driving to Pennsylvania to see them and I'll be staying the whole week. It will be really nice to get the hell out of this town!!! and see my awesome mama and family.
I spoke to the woman who should have been my mother in law this afternoon for about a half an hour. God, I love her. I think she's an amazing woman and she's got a lot to teach me. She's been to Africa, believes in a lot of the same things I do, plus she's got 40 years on me and can teach me a lot. Now, I have the urge to call my ex, but I will not. I know I'm still in love with him, and I'd bet $1,000 that he's still in love with me. I CANNOT spend the rest of my life thinking that. Everyone says that we're "supposed to be together" but maybe we aren't. Maybe we were supposed to be together "right now" instead of "forever." It's a lot easier to write that than to think it though, especially when people say differently. More than anything, I just hope that one day I'll be able to get over him. I certainly have no problem dating others, but no one has ever clicked with me like I've clicked with Andrew. There, I said his name. I spent the past two years thinking I was supposed to be Mrs. Andrew. I guess I was wrong.
I've been WAY too boy crazy lately. Not that I've been on a date, but I'm certainly aware of all the very attractive men in the world. I guess it's not illegal to look! I have no idea how to "play the game" as everyone seems to be calling dating now. In Eat Pray Love, Liz decides to become celibate and search for the higher things in life and wait until she falls in love to worry about men and sex. I'm beginning to think this is a GREAT idea. It's really hard, but I think it's necessary.
I think this blog writing has been a good experience. I like the idea that it's anonymous so I don't feel like I'm complaining or burdening anyone with my feelings. I also feel like it's out there to read if anyone cares. I hate the traditional diary and almost always seem to stop writing after a few days.
The book has also opened my eyes to spirituality...more on that later as I'm still pondering about it. Let's just say that Buddhism and Hinduism sound like great ideas right now.
P.S. I get to see my family this weekend! I'm driving to Pennsylvania to see them and I'll be staying the whole week. It will be really nice to get the hell out of this town!!! and see my awesome mama and family.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Eat Pray Love
So I started reading Eat Pray Love this week. I can't decide if I like it or if it hits too close to home. It's like reading my autobiography before it actually happens. In case you have no idea what I'm talking about, the book is about a thirty something woman who decides to get divorced, falls in love with a much younger man, then decides to travel around the world. Her theories on love, depression, loneliness, men, etc etc etc all follow how I feel.
So...this describes EXACTLY how I feel about my current ex:
"We were already separated, that was official, but there was still a window of hope that perhaps someday (maybe after my travels, maybe after a year) we could give things another try. We loved each other. That was never the question. It's just that we couldn't figure out how to stop making each other desperately, shriekingly, soul-punishingly miserable."
She goes on to write that maybe if they admit that they aren't happy together or apart, that that will be what makes the glue that keeps them together. Now my ex and I weren't THAT miserable, at least I don't think so, but she makes a good point. I've been thinking the same things for the past few months. My soul is so sick of the crying and the sadness and the pain that I don't really feel much like me anymore. I definitely feel like a shell of the former me. I tried to fall in love with a new guy. It didn't happen. I feel like maybe I've hit the bottom, but then I get more sad. Loneliness moves in with me and depression becomes my pal. I just want to feel like myself again.
I could spend the rest of my life on my couch in sweatpants and an old tshirt wondering how to get my ex back. We still talk one in a blue moon, but I always end up more upset. My two best friends are in wonderful relationships. One is married to an amazing man and the other is dating the man she will most likely marry. Then there is me. I would have bet anyone a million dollars that my ex was the person I was supposed to be with forever and ever. He understood me and loved me for who I was, not the chameleon I tend to be around other people, being who I need to be to suit the needs at that time.
I'm supposed to leave in one week to visit my family in Pennsylvania. I'm excited and dreading it at the same time. My grandmother will inevitably ask what happened with my ex and tell me I should be married with a child by now, which always makes me feel like I'm not living up to anyone's hopes for me. I hate weekends and time off now because they give me time to think...about him.
I never thought I'd ever be the type to get lost in the sorrows from a break up. I've always taken break ups hard, but never like this. It's been 4 months. I should be done with this by now. I was in a relationship within a month of the break up with a nice guy, but it didn't work out. Another guy came back from my past and texted me to tell me "i'm ready to date you and be in a relationship with you." When I told him to call and ask me out, he flaked. This is why texting is the death of dating as we know it. No one has to work for anything anymore and it irritates the hell out of me. That's a whole other rant from me, so I'll save that for another time. I hung out with an ex of mine from high school and had a blast. Once again, here I sit alone. Everyone always says, "Just wait. He'll come when you least expect it." Well...I've waited and I've waited and I've waited. I don't want to be 40 when I finally get to have kids. I don't want to be 35 or 40 before I get married. I've had enough time on my own. I'm ready to settle down. I'm ready to put some roots down and not worry where I'll be a year from now every day of my life.
I've applied for a job in Africa. I highly doubt that I'll get it, but I figured that I'd be 90+ years old someday regretting it if I didn't do it, so I applied. I'm still waiting to hear about that one.
Please God, or whatever force controls the universe, PLEASE don't let me be the crazy cat lady!
So...this describes EXACTLY how I feel about my current ex:
"We were already separated, that was official, but there was still a window of hope that perhaps someday (maybe after my travels, maybe after a year) we could give things another try. We loved each other. That was never the question. It's just that we couldn't figure out how to stop making each other desperately, shriekingly, soul-punishingly miserable."
She goes on to write that maybe if they admit that they aren't happy together or apart, that that will be what makes the glue that keeps them together. Now my ex and I weren't THAT miserable, at least I don't think so, but she makes a good point. I've been thinking the same things for the past few months. My soul is so sick of the crying and the sadness and the pain that I don't really feel much like me anymore. I definitely feel like a shell of the former me. I tried to fall in love with a new guy. It didn't happen. I feel like maybe I've hit the bottom, but then I get more sad. Loneliness moves in with me and depression becomes my pal. I just want to feel like myself again.
I could spend the rest of my life on my couch in sweatpants and an old tshirt wondering how to get my ex back. We still talk one in a blue moon, but I always end up more upset. My two best friends are in wonderful relationships. One is married to an amazing man and the other is dating the man she will most likely marry. Then there is me. I would have bet anyone a million dollars that my ex was the person I was supposed to be with forever and ever. He understood me and loved me for who I was, not the chameleon I tend to be around other people, being who I need to be to suit the needs at that time.
I'm supposed to leave in one week to visit my family in Pennsylvania. I'm excited and dreading it at the same time. My grandmother will inevitably ask what happened with my ex and tell me I should be married with a child by now, which always makes me feel like I'm not living up to anyone's hopes for me. I hate weekends and time off now because they give me time to think...about him.
I never thought I'd ever be the type to get lost in the sorrows from a break up. I've always taken break ups hard, but never like this. It's been 4 months. I should be done with this by now. I was in a relationship within a month of the break up with a nice guy, but it didn't work out. Another guy came back from my past and texted me to tell me "i'm ready to date you and be in a relationship with you." When I told him to call and ask me out, he flaked. This is why texting is the death of dating as we know it. No one has to work for anything anymore and it irritates the hell out of me. That's a whole other rant from me, so I'll save that for another time. I hung out with an ex of mine from high school and had a blast. Once again, here I sit alone. Everyone always says, "Just wait. He'll come when you least expect it." Well...I've waited and I've waited and I've waited. I don't want to be 40 when I finally get to have kids. I don't want to be 35 or 40 before I get married. I've had enough time on my own. I'm ready to settle down. I'm ready to put some roots down and not worry where I'll be a year from now every day of my life.
I've applied for a job in Africa. I highly doubt that I'll get it, but I figured that I'd be 90+ years old someday regretting it if I didn't do it, so I applied. I'm still waiting to hear about that one.
Please God, or whatever force controls the universe, PLEASE don't let me be the crazy cat lady!
Friday, June 25, 2010
It's been a crazy couple of weeks. Our golf outing was yesterday, and I feel like all I've been doing at work is worrying about money and spending my entire day on QuickBooks. When I was little and I dreamed about having a job and being an adult, QuickBooks is not exactly what I had in mind. It seems like these days, I'm not happy. Not happy about a damn thing. I live alone with two cats in a 2 bedroom apartment in a small college town in Indiana. Living in a college town is fine, but friends don't stick around too long. They graduate and eventually move. The flipside of that is they get married/have kids, and don't have time to hang out anymore. It's a very strange time to be single.
For a year and a half, I was dating the love of my life. We'd been to Disney World and shared a lot of dreams together: traveling, having kids, family, etc etc etc. I felt more comfortable with him than with anyone I've ever met. His parents divorced in October, and after that, things changed and he broke up with me in February of this year. Unfortunately, that was just after I'd signed my lease for June 2010-June 2011. Now I feel like I'm stuck in a town where everything, and I mean everything reminds me of him. I can't look at or go anywhere without some kind of reminder. I guess the break up was more a death of the dreams I'd had for my future than just a break up. I'm not hesitant to say that I believed I'd be with him the rest of my life. While he's out being a party boy and doing whatever he wants, I'm sitting on my couch unmotivated to do anything. I feel like I go to work just because I need to go someplace during the day. Well...that and to pay the bills too.
Work: The place where I work my ass off everyday is a Boys & Girls Club. I'm the administrative assistant there, and NO I'M NOT A SECRETARY. I do some clerical work, but I also create budgets, do the accounting, prepare for special events, and help us "do right by the donor" as my boss says, as well as countless other tasks. I may work 8 hours a day, but I jam more stuff in an 8 hour day than most people do in 6 days. Multitasking is essential. I'm damn good at my job and I'm proud of it.
Wednesday night I went to bed and fell asleep before 9pm. I haven't done that since I was 5. I don't know if it's because I don't feel good, that I'm depressed, or both. To me, it feels like if I leave this town and get away from my ex, that I'll be happy. However, I almost doubt that. More than anything, I want to be a wife and a mother. Living alone and being the crazy cat lady seem more like what I will become. Everyone says you need to be positive, but everytime I get a little ahead in life or put my whole self into something, it falls apart.
I really just want to go back to Africa, where I'm appreciated and loved and I feel important.
Anyway, back to the golf outing...It was a lot of fun. I spent 13 hours or more working yesterday to set up, register golfers, set up the dinner, ensure everyone was happy and I even got to drive a golf cart! I haven't done that since I was like 13 years old. I ramped it on a curb because I took a turn too sharply, but I didn't get stuck. I've never been to a "real golf course" before, that I can remember. Eagle Pointe was great. The golfers had a great time, the dinner went really well. I also got to meet IU's head football coach, Bill Lynch. He's a very nice guy. After the event, I took the money home and categorized it. I think we did pretty well. It was nice to get all that done while it was still fresh in my head. It also cleared up some of my schedule today to work on other things. My boss was doing a lot of errands today, but called and told me I should leave early at 2pm. I was going to ask, but he offered, so I took it. I came home and took an hour nap. It's nice being able to relax.
I hope to continue this blog about dating as a 24 year old, working as 24 year old, and what through the mind of a 24 year old. I'm not going to be apologetic. I'll give it to you as straight as I think it/see it myself. I hope you enjoy.
For a year and a half, I was dating the love of my life. We'd been to Disney World and shared a lot of dreams together: traveling, having kids, family, etc etc etc. I felt more comfortable with him than with anyone I've ever met. His parents divorced in October, and after that, things changed and he broke up with me in February of this year. Unfortunately, that was just after I'd signed my lease for June 2010-June 2011. Now I feel like I'm stuck in a town where everything, and I mean everything reminds me of him. I can't look at or go anywhere without some kind of reminder. I guess the break up was more a death of the dreams I'd had for my future than just a break up. I'm not hesitant to say that I believed I'd be with him the rest of my life. While he's out being a party boy and doing whatever he wants, I'm sitting on my couch unmotivated to do anything. I feel like I go to work just because I need to go someplace during the day. Well...that and to pay the bills too.
Work: The place where I work my ass off everyday is a Boys & Girls Club. I'm the administrative assistant there, and NO I'M NOT A SECRETARY. I do some clerical work, but I also create budgets, do the accounting, prepare for special events, and help us "do right by the donor" as my boss says, as well as countless other tasks. I may work 8 hours a day, but I jam more stuff in an 8 hour day than most people do in 6 days. Multitasking is essential. I'm damn good at my job and I'm proud of it.
Wednesday night I went to bed and fell asleep before 9pm. I haven't done that since I was 5. I don't know if it's because I don't feel good, that I'm depressed, or both. To me, it feels like if I leave this town and get away from my ex, that I'll be happy. However, I almost doubt that. More than anything, I want to be a wife and a mother. Living alone and being the crazy cat lady seem more like what I will become. Everyone says you need to be positive, but everytime I get a little ahead in life or put my whole self into something, it falls apart.
I really just want to go back to Africa, where I'm appreciated and loved and I feel important.
Anyway, back to the golf outing...It was a lot of fun. I spent 13 hours or more working yesterday to set up, register golfers, set up the dinner, ensure everyone was happy and I even got to drive a golf cart! I haven't done that since I was like 13 years old. I ramped it on a curb because I took a turn too sharply, but I didn't get stuck. I've never been to a "real golf course" before, that I can remember. Eagle Pointe was great. The golfers had a great time, the dinner went really well. I also got to meet IU's head football coach, Bill Lynch. He's a very nice guy. After the event, I took the money home and categorized it. I think we did pretty well. It was nice to get all that done while it was still fresh in my head. It also cleared up some of my schedule today to work on other things. My boss was doing a lot of errands today, but called and told me I should leave early at 2pm. I was going to ask, but he offered, so I took it. I came home and took an hour nap. It's nice being able to relax.
I hope to continue this blog about dating as a 24 year old, working as 24 year old, and what through the mind of a 24 year old. I'm not going to be apologetic. I'll give it to you as straight as I think it/see it myself. I hope you enjoy.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The First
The past few months, I have debated about writing a blog and recording my feelings about being a working girl at 24 years old. Some times I feel like I'm 10 years ahead of my age and sometimes I feel like I'm 12. I wanted someplace to get these feelings out in the open where I could connect with others my age who have just started this journey into the working world and what everyone likes to call "real life."
I grew up in a college town in the midwest, the daughter of a professor and an academic. From the time I was little, I was encouraged to work hard and succeed. I play percussion instruments and participated in high school marching band and world class drum corps (we got second in the WORLD). I graduated near the top of my class and earned an honors diploma from high school. I attended a state university and graduated in 3 1/2 years with a BA in history. I've been to Africa twice where I interned at an AIDS Orphans School where I taught English. After returning from Africa after graduation, I worked for a Dept. of Child Services contractor, then worked at a mental health center for a year and a half, and now I work at the local Boys & Girls Club as the administrative assistant.
So there's a little background on me and who I am.
I hope that this blog will help encourage others to keep pushing and give me a place to share all these crazy feelings I've had since I've entered the working world.
I grew up in a college town in the midwest, the daughter of a professor and an academic. From the time I was little, I was encouraged to work hard and succeed. I play percussion instruments and participated in high school marching band and world class drum corps (we got second in the WORLD). I graduated near the top of my class and earned an honors diploma from high school. I attended a state university and graduated in 3 1/2 years with a BA in history. I've been to Africa twice where I interned at an AIDS Orphans School where I taught English. After returning from Africa after graduation, I worked for a Dept. of Child Services contractor, then worked at a mental health center for a year and a half, and now I work at the local Boys & Girls Club as the administrative assistant.
So there's a little background on me and who I am.
I hope that this blog will help encourage others to keep pushing and give me a place to share all these crazy feelings I've had since I've entered the working world.
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